How many erogenous zones do you have? The myth goes that women have 7:

1. Ears

2. Lips

3. Neck

4. Breasts/nipples

5. Butt/anus

6. Feet/toes

7. Genitals

But what about the forehead? Or the backs of knees? The inner arm? Fact is, the human body is a vast erotic landscape where EVERY INCH can be teased, tantalized & turned on.

Try it!

Have your partner stand & bend over, resting their head & upper body on a pillow that’s set on a counter, dresser, or over the back of a couch — something at a comfortable height. Balance a coin, small stone or piece of jewelry on each wrist, something that will fall off and end the game if your partner dares to move. Or, count how many times your partner flinches, and that is the number of sexual favors you’re “owed” at the end of this session.

Begin! First, graze your hand lightly over your partner’s skin, just barely skimming the surface and tickling fine body hair, creating static electricity.

Caress your partner’s face with your finger tips. Trace around ears, nose, eyes. Draw your fingertips thru the hair on your partner’s head, gently stimulating the scalp. Use your lips, your breath, on the nape of the neck, down the shoulders, trace the spine. Slip one hand between legs while stroking neck & check with your other.

Move to the bed: face up, arms by sides. Continue exploring. Use your whole palm against the base of the penis or the fleshy outer lips of the vagina. Softly but firmly, massage in a small circle, energizing all the sexual nerve endings without stimulating them directly. After a minute or so, gently flutter your fingers up his shaft, or across her inner lips. Return to massaging, then follow with slightly more vigorous flutter-type touches. Go back and forth till your partner begs for more!

Oh my… seems this “fantasy” blog is turning into an oral sex compendium . Sorry, but feedback suggests that mouth love is just one kinda action we can’t get enough of.

Health nuts may be surprised — and delighted — to learn that the latest research indicates that oral sex is not just physically wonderful, but also can be good for you!

What’s the deal? For starters, the hormones in semen boost mood and relieve tension. In addition, the sugary alkalinity in the seminal “plasma” is great for soothing sore throats, and includes the healthy immune boost of citric acid (vitamin C) with just enough lipid for optimal absorption.  Calcium & vitamins, too.

And semen can taste good — foods like celery, cranberries, watermelon and pineapple tend to enhance the flavor and texture of man juice. High in protein and less than 50 calories per “serving” — giving head can be a nutritious, delicious daily supplement!

Best of all, ladies, there’s no need to swallow if you’re not feeling peckish. A little bukakke can make for a glowing complexion!

As you give head, blood flow increases throughout your facial muscles, opening your pores and flushing out toxins as you work up a sweat. A healthy shot of semen then acts as an astringent, tightening the skin, smoothing wrinkles, and providing a nice dose of antioxidants to assist with skin cell renewal for a “dewy soft,” youthful luster.

One final caveat — make sure the semen your ingesting or rubbing into your skin is STD/STI-free, of course. Safety first!

Ever wonder: what’s the best position for giving a blow job?

Some people say a girl should be on her knees w/ the guy standing. Others say it’s best when he’s lying back and she’s on her belly, between his legs. Some insist that 69 is ideal because both partners can enjoy the act…

Personally, I like the *idea* of 69 — the sharing, the added stimulation — but unfortunately, in practice, it’s just way too distracting. No way I can concentrate on sucking cock when my clit is being licked and I don’t even wanna think about what might happen to that poor penis in my mouth, should I lose myself in a teeth-gnashing orgasm.

No, no, no… when it comes to oral sex, I prefer to focus: either on my own pleasure, or his.

But a little extra play is nice, provided it’s not too engrossing, right? My good friend, Amasake, taught me this position I’m gonna try to explain here…

You know how a girl can go down on a guy when he’s driving? Well, this position kinda starts there, but the guy lies flat on his back in bed (or on the floor or wherever), and the girl leans across him at the waist.

Since there’s no steering wheel in the way, she can curl herself over him, and rest her upper body on her bent left arm. With her back to him, she takes his dick in her mouth and uses her hands to massage/caress/explore his sweet spots.

Here’s the best part — she backs up so that he can see & touch her bottom while she works. In this position, he can even reach her pussy. She can easily adjust to provide more or less view, or wriggle into (or away from) stimulation.

Finally, a guy has something to do with his hands while he’s getting blown! Plus, he has his own little Lady Parts Show, everything on display for him right at his fingertips. For girls, this position provides plenty of control while still allowing for as much extra touching as she can handle.

Another bonus to this position: the girl’s head is tilted so that, when he comes, he will most likely shoot straight down her throat without wasting a drop! Thanks to gravity, even the final dribbles that often splatter on the tongue now glide effortlessly down the roof of the mouth — by-passing those taste buds neatly and completely.

Enjoy this as a fine addition to your oral sex repertoire, not the end-all, be-all of oral sex positions, of course. Nothing works every time, for every person. Mix it up! Predicable sex quickly grows boring.

And remember — with decent form/technique/rhythm/execution, anyone can give a good blow job. But no matter what you’re doing, the one trick to giving a GREAT blow job is always the same:

**Enthusiasm**

Now let’s get out there and suck some dick this weekend!!

Never in a million years would I have expected to hear from guys who don’t like BJ’s…

Judging from the reaction from last week’s “how to,” though — looks like oral pleasures aren’t every guy’s cup of tea, to say the least. Here’s a terrific article covering one guy’s lukewarm feelings towards what he calls “Mouth Love.”

Are blow jobs overrated? If a guy doesn’t orgasm from oral sex, does it mean the act is pointless?

I’ve heard from people who simply hate giving head. And, now, from others who consider it a god-given talent they enjoy sharing, sometimes to the extent that they’d actually feel rejected if a guy wasn’t into getting his dick sucked.

Is sex supposed to be so black & white? Kinda think we get a lot more out of it when we consider activities with an open mind, on a case-by-case sorta situation.

Different folks, different strokes. Different day, different play.

Where were we? Ah yes… cunnilingus.  No matter how good you are at getting her off with your mouth, next time you’re about to head down —  ASK HER if she wants you to lick her pussy.

That’s right. Look her in the eyes, tell her how much you want to taste her, and then for godsake, take your time. Do NOT try to get her off. Just explore her with your tongue, wandering in and out the folds of skin, licking up her slit, nuzzling her mound. Do not establish rhythm! You don’t want her to orgasm, you just want to delve into that deliciousness like it’s the first time you’ve been that close to a woman’s body.

Tell her how turned on you are. Ask her if she’d like you to put your dick in her. Reassure her you won’t leave her hanging if she doesn’t climax.

If you don’t usually go down on her — ask her anyway if she wants you to lick her pussy. You may be surprised. If she says no, ask if you can just look at it. Will she spread for you, for just a minute? Please? If not, no biggie.  Keep up with the hugs/kisses/stories outside the bedroom, and keep positive the opportunity will present itself. Try after she’s had a shower, or offer to run a bath for her… and then ask if you can scrub her back or rinse her hair… admire her…

When she’s all clean & fresh, she’ll probably be less likely to put off your request to at least look at her. And once you’re looking, you can always ask to pet juuuust the surface. And if that feels nice, maybe you can slip a finger gently between her lips. Don’t get greedy, though. Easy does it, always. Remember, you never want to push her to her limits — you always wanna leave that wiggle room. Try not to give her the opportunity to shut you down, cause that’ll undermine your leadership.

Anyway:  your goal is to get her to appreciate oral sex NOT as an orgasmic tool but as a practice in opening up to your needs. Right now, your only “need” is to savor her pussy. Talk to her while you’re down there — play a game similar to a visit to the Optometrist’s office.  “Is this better <long lick up the middle> or this <little flicks tracing the same path> ?” Or “Do you like this pressure <light> or this <harder>?”

Show interest in how she feels. Think of her as an engine or machine that you’re tinkering with, trying to figure out. If you’re lucky, you may stumble onto something neither one of you knew she liked!

ASIDE: Here’s a great Madonna song for inspiration… Perhaps the best, most graphic song about eating out a woman, ever.

Keep up the kisses/hugs/stories/sexual exploration until it all feels like a natural part of your relationship. She’ll probably try to reciprocate on her own, but if she doesn’t, no worries. If you’ve done your groundwork, she’s primed to follow your lead. Next time you tell her an oral sex story, tell her you fantasized about her going down on you. Not to completion, just that you felt her mouth on your dick and it was incredible. Leave it at that.

A night or two later, tell her you had a dream that you were getting head and you looked down and recognized her beautiful lips around your cock. Hot! Leave it at that.

Next time you go down on her, ask her what she thinks about going down on you. Not till you come, just for a little bit. Not now, even — you’re just asking about sometime in the future, maybe. In the meantime, you’d like to try a little experiment. Take her finger in your mouth, and suck/lick on it like you’d like her to suck your dick. Tell her, “When you stoke here in the beginning it’s a big tease” or “Slow/fast rhythm like this works best” or “Like this on this part of me when you want me to come…”

You’re being instructional, not persuasive at all. You’re engaging her on an intellectual level. Most importantly, you ‘re taking a chance when you take her finger in your mouth — you might look kinda silly to her, but rise above it. Man up! With confidence and a touch of humor, you can totally pull this off.  Praise her for letting you suck her finger, tell her just thinking of where something like this might go is a huge turn-on. Leave it at that.

Next chance you get, ask her to kiss your finger. Then ask her if she thinks she remembers what you said you liked on your dick. See if she can show you, on your finger this time. Encourage her efforts, guiding if needed and going, “Wow!” if she nails it. Suggest that something she’s doing is even better than what you’d imagined.

Does she want to show you how she likes to be sucked/licked? If so, great! If not, no worries… maybe another time.

At this point, your task is to continue warming her up to oral sex, without any pressure or expectations. Remember:  baby steps, praise, encouragement. Always!

If she brings her mouth the tiniest bit close to your dick, tell her in no uncertain terms how good it is for you, how much you appreciate her sexual generosity, how loved you feel when she pleases you that way. And then back off. You’re not asking or even waiting for more. You’re just happy to be trying new things, even just a little bit.

Make oral sex fun, easy, light-hearted & respectful. Most women want to please, they’re just not sure how & don’t want to look stupid. Or they’ve been turned off by bad experiences. Be supportive and for godsake keep things positive. Tell yourself your efforts WILL work, eventually. With gentle persistence — at her own pace –  you WILL show her the way.

You’re doing this for the both of you, so don’t feel guilty or selfish in your pursuit for oral gratification. You are opening up new sensual worlds for you both to enjoy together — she will one day thank you, and you’ll share a laugh at how misguided she once was to think she didn’t like oral sex.

Finally…

Warming your partner up to oral delights usually doesn’t take a full year, but if you practice these exercises for twelve months and still are doing without — you might want to consider the possibility that she’s not that into you.

Before you write her off, though, I have one more trick. You know those sexy stories you tell her? Keep telling them, except instead of fantasizing about her, tell her you’re fantasizing about another woman. Not spitefully — in fact, you probably wanna start off saying you had a dream where you were making love with a very sexy woman whose face you couldn’t see, so you assumed it was her, but then she started to give you a blow job and you looked down to see… a stranger!

Again, don’t be mean about it, don’t rub it in, just say it like, “Wow! Almost feels like I cheated!” then hug her and tell her you love her and would never, ever cheat on her for something as silly as oral sex.

Your message, though, is subtle but clear:  if you’re denied oral sex, you can’t help think of other women who might give it to you. Again, don’t come right out and say it. Women are MASTERS at reading into things;  trust me, she will draw her own conclusions and if you’re lucky, she’ll think she’s tricking you out of infidelity by placating you with blowjobs.

Which is what you actually wanted in the first place!

Good luck, and lemme know how it goes.

Porn?!

I know what you’re thinking, that your woman hates porn and it’s demeaning to women and blah blah blah. So don’t go immediately to the XXX shit. Start with Hollywood — google “erotic hollywood movies” and you’ll get a bazilion lists. Rent one you think she’d like. Talk about it during & after. Did you pick well? Does she have favorite sexy movie or scene? Do you? Maybe trade watching a few features, discuss what you each find hot in a non-committal kinda way. Just for funzies.

Chicks love reality TV so maybe a good place to start is an HBO show like “Cathouse” (about life a famous whorehouse) or TLC’s “Strange Sex”  (a more clinical look at sexual predilections). From there, you can crossover to viewing instructional videos or vintage porn to make fun of the hairstyles and cheesy effects…  A great site to look is Hotmovies.com, whose library is exhaustive.

If visual porn’s outta the question, try printed porn. Fantasies. com, for instance, carries a huge collection of short pieces —  or google “fantasy stories sex” for dozens of additional links to sexy fiction of all styles. Find something within your (and her) comfort zone and email her a link to a story you think she’d like — subject heading: “Is this hot?” or something like that. Follow up later, to see what she thought. Ask her to send you a story she thinks you’d like, and you’ll bring home a surprise if she guesses correct.

Go back & forth with this awhile… then introduce porn with an oral sex scene. Talk about it — clinically. Betray no sense of your own desires.

Sympathize with how much harder it is for a woman to give head than a man to go down. Our necks hurt, our throats thump, our jaws ache. The lining of our mouths gets all nicked up from drawing our lips tightly over our teeth to protect your tender skin.  We smell balls and ass and sweat. Your errant pubes rasp against the base of our tongues. Breathing is difficult, suction is hard to maintain — makes the cheeks sore like you’ve been blowing up balloons all day.

And to top it off, at the end of it you’re expected to swallow a shot glass of hot mucus.

Express how incredible it is, that after all that, women still give blowjobs. Ask her if there are any tricks that women use to make it easier. Mention how cruel Nature is, to make something that feels so good require such sacrifice from someone else. Wonder aloud if there’s any similar trade-off where guys are willing to go to such lengths for women. There are no right answers, you’re just musing. Leave it at that.

Return to the subject again, a few days later at least. A private moment,  just the two of you. Tell her how you’ve been fantasizing lately, about how you were talking the other day about oral sex, and how much of a hassle it is for women.  In your daydream, though, instead of the conversation just ending, you reached over to her, slid down her pants, and…  Tell her a quick little oral sex story, starring your lady. She lies back, you look at her beautiful pussy and have to kiss it. Mention at least one personal detail — her bush or her scent or her taste or the baby-soft skin of her inner thighs… Leave it at that.

Next chance you get, tell her another story. If she liked the first one, you can amp up the heat by describing more details, or more action. If the first one was a bit much for her, though, back off and make up an observational situation. For instance, tell her you accidentally used her towel to dry your face, and just the smell of her gave you an erection. Or that a porn site accidentally popped up during a web search, and you couldn’t believe the girl was a porn star — her pussy looked beaten/ragged, not pretty & delicate like your lady’s.

You get the idea. Get her thinking of herself sexually.

Do you usually go down on her as part of sex? Whether you do or whether you don’t — I’ll finish up tomorrow with tips on how to shower her with pleasure while conditioning her to perform for you in bed.

So today’s a new day, and we’re going to cover the first steps in taking your partner by the hand and leading her to sexual enlightenment including but not limited to oral sex — both giving as well as receiving. Cause you’re a giver, right? No sense in trying this, if you’re lazy in the sack & just want to lie back while your significant other works you over. So we’re gonna assume you’re a generous sort, who honestly wants to bring more physical pleasure & passion to your relationship.

Let’s begin by engaging her in intimate but non-sexual ways.

Make her laugh. Don’t be a moron about it — you know her sense of humor, think of something she’d find really funny. Tell her you like her laugh. Look at her for one-two-three-four-five seconds, with a smile on your face that says, “I’m lucky to be with you!”  Say it out loud, if you can pull it off without sounding like a pussy.

Rub her back a little bit, don’t make a production outta it, just like 30 – 60 seconds of random back stroking, like you’re thinking of something else entirely and just touching her outta comfort or habit… absolutely no direction.

Brush her hair out of her eyes, or smooth out her shirt — these are just examples, feel free to branch out on your own. The deal is: you wanna get her used to your hands on her in kind, protective, non-grope-y ways. You’re reinforcing your connection by injecting some physical contact into your day-to-day exchanges.

Make  a habit of telling her you love her every day.  Yes, every day. Again, don’t make a big stupid deal outta it, just slip it in when you can, casually, and don’t even act like you have any hint of a need to hear it back. You’re the man. You’re HER man. She’s nuts for you, duh. When she says it back, you reward her with a deep look, then eventually work up to holding your arms wide so that she comes to you for a hug or a kiss.

Start with a hug, and a quick one at that — she may be suspicious of changes in your behavior, so you need to be as low-key and off-hand as possible. Once she’s coming to you naturally when you extend your arms, you can add a little peck but you don’t want her to realize you’re asking for more & more contact each time. So go back to the hug. And then next time a quick kiss, and then after that a hug… and then a longer kiss… and then back to hug…

Get it?

You’re essentially conditioning her to perform an act of physical affection on your command.

Of course, you are loving and respectful and in no way training her like a circus animal. But you really can shape behavior in big ways by starting at the farthest possible point, and taking baby steps all the way. When it comes to helping a partner overcome sexual inhibitions, the idea is to find ways to encourage her to come to you for physical interactions, not just in the bedroom but anytime, anywhere. If you establish she’s the follower and you’re the leader, you greatly increase your odds of working through her boundaries.

So ask for kisses or hugs often. Ideally, you’ll be able to point at your lips or cheek and she’ll know to kiss you there. Then you need to add your neck. Your earlobe. Next, try your wrist. Your shoulder. Your chin. The tip of your nose. Not all in one day, just add a new area every other day at the most.

Pace yourself, buddy. You cannot even seem the tiniest bit pushy, or you’ll lose ground. Don’t worry about being your old self in bed, just maintain the status quo, there. But these new encounters you’re orchestrating where you’re asking her to “perform” — you need to be purely motivated by affection, not sex.

Kissing, though, is sexy. Some areas she kisses may give you a little “rush.” Tell her which ones, but not in a creepy way.  Tell her it’s a fun fact, almost like you’re surprised, “Hey, that feels niiiiice!” Ask her if that’s a sexy place for her, too. If she doesn’t know, tell her, “Hold still,” and kiss her there. If she likes it, yay, you have an erogenous zone in common, then let it go. If not, oh well. There’s always next time. No worries there, either.

Again:  you may be talking about sex, but in a non-sexual way. You’re building trust, you’re showing her you can take the lead, physically (even sexually), and not pressure her. In other words, she’s un-learning any pressure she may have grown to associate with sex lately.

You’re guiding her to think sexual thoughts, but outside of her usual experience. And you’re controlling her new experience, keeping it completely positive. Key point: you are in control, not her.  Think: easy, gentle, light-hearted. Keep her wanting more, wondering what’s next. Getting a partner to perform more in the bedroom is not unlike an elaborate game of “Follow the Leader” — help guide her to better sex, a better relationship.

So keep at her with the kisses and hugs, and eventually it’ll just feel natural to both of you, to be catching hugs & smooches, and talking about what feels good, where. Linger longer in your kisses, as the moment allows. Don’t rush it but don’t be stupid — you can tell when a woman wants you to go farther. Give her some. Not all, just some. Break it off early, promise to get back to it later. Let it happen, or not. If you tease her enough, you can string her along for a long time, if you want. Build up the tension so she’s likely to say yes to anything to finally have you.

But I’m getting ahead of things. No, you’re not pushing for oral just yet. But you are starting to pay attention to the erogenous zones you’ve found on her. And perhaps now you ask her to pay attention to your erogenous zones (other than the ones between your legs). Make extra effort to make encouraging noises, but of course keep within your character.

If possible, express how things feel — if your bed talk sounds like porno script, a good trick is to simply narrate your sex. Describe what’s going on:  “I’m watching you kiss my chest and your hair is so blonde and your boob in my hand feels warm and the nipple is so hard and my dick is hard too and now I’m going to touch your pussy…”

Even if you sound like a sportscaster, you need to keep at it with confidence to find your groove. The point is not to turn her on so much, but to impact her brain with sexual imagery. Don’t lay it on too thick in the beginning, and always be positive & complimentary. The object is to connect your voice to her thoughts & actions, in a positive way. Again, you’re gently leading her to accept your direction in the bedroom.

So work on this for awhile, until it feels natural. Now it’s time to introduce porn. I’ll explain more tomorrow!

For many (if not most) of us, oral sex is a pretty standard activity but you’d be surprised at how many couples do without  — even if that means one of them is hurt, frustrated or otherwise not thrilled to be denied.

Here’s a post (snipped from dearcupid.org) that sums things up pretty well:

I would say more than 50% of my waking moments (and a lot of lying awake at night) has been dwelling on the following:

- All-consuming jealousy because my wife swallowed for her other boyfriends every time but is never even prepared to spit for me

- Resentment because I know I would do it for her without a second thought

- Feeling she can’t love me if she is prepared to rob me of this pleasure

- Not understanding why she isn’t prepared to discuss it or isn’t interested in finding a solution

The poster goes on to explain feeling foolish & selfish for bringing the subject up when his wife keeps shooting him down. Responses to this sort of letter are mixed. One on hand, many people agree that it’s unfair to hassle someone about their sexual preferences but then clearly the majority of replies come from others in similar situations, sharing their exasperations  and often admitting infidelity as their only path to oral pleasure.

While both guys and girls have issues providing oral, the majority of online chatter about “doing without” comes from disgruntled husbands/boyfriends. And in most cases, the wife/girlfriend in question was fine with sucking dick earlier in the relationship, but then later on lost interest. Somehow, “not now” turned into “never ever” and the poor guys are confused, upset and more than a little miffed at what understandably feels like a bait ‘n switch.

So what happened? And is there any hope for changing your partner’s mind, when she’s decided oral sex is not worth the effort?

First — there’s always hope.  Don’t hold it against your partner if old tricks fail to seem worth the effort. Blow Jobs are ridiculously easy to give when a relationship is new — guys are often so psyched to have lips on their cock that all it takes is a few licks to set ‘em off. I feel like that Owl in the old Tootsie Pop commercial:  “One… twooohoooo… three! <SPOOGE>”

But as time goes on, the thrill of getting your dick sucked must wear off, cause it takes longer and longer to finish. Or maybe you guys just get more relaxed about the whole thing. Maybe you think it’s great to just lie back and enjoy the sensations as long as you can. Maybe it feels better to hold back until you’ve built up a huge load.

Goody for you. Just keep in mind that despite the ravenous ladies you see gobbling Johnsons in porno flicks, most of us ladies aren’t as hungry for a mouthful of cum as you might think. I could go into the whole “tastes like snot, smells like gym socks” thing but really, isn’t sex kinda supposed to be gross? I mean, we’re animals, right? Sex is grunting & groaning & sweating & slobbering & musky smells & salty skin & gooey fluids & weird hair in embarrassing places…

So your partner may SAY she’s put off by oral sex, but I bet she’d suck George Clooney dry if he asked for it. My point is, so-called “aversions” are highly subjective and likely to change under the right circumstances. You might not be able to snap your fingers and turn into a fantasy fuck, but there are plenty of other ways to tip the odds in your favor when it comes to oral sex.

With a resistant partner, getting good head requires a zen approach. There’s no use begging, whining, threatening, withholding affection…  All of these tactics are needy & manipulative, which is never sexy. So try a different tack: decide right here & now that you DON’T want oral sex. That you, in fact, would refuse oral sex if offered to you.

Crazy? Hear me out. Oral sex is just one act in the huge scope of erotic possibilities two bodies can enjoy. You don’t need it. You might like it, but right now, that desire is not doing you any favors so put it aside. Be the master of your own urges, and give that one a rest. You can return to it later if this zen thing doesn’t work out but for the next several months, at least (I’d pick a full year, to be safe), keep oral sex off your sexual agenda.  Put it out of your mind.

Now, object is to connect with your partner outside the bedroom.  Assuming you’re the typical guy with no clue how women work, I won’t bother with vague directives like “Make your woman feel special” or “Show her you don’t take her for granted.” Here’s what you should do, specifically, to tap into your partner’s sexual energy, and redirect it for the greater pleasure of both of you.

It won’t be easy, but it’s worth it. Congratulations to you for having the courage to confront your partner’s limitations and convince her it’s not only safe to push beyond with you, but it’s absolutely fantastic to have that much fun in bed. If you can pull this off, you’re a hero. Seriously, it’ll be quite the coup.

But a tricky one. She’s not your enemy — her inhibitions are. You have to find the way around them. There’s always a way. Always.*

Tomorrow, I’ll explain everything…

* Unless she’s gay or you are a complete jerk, in which case this post will not help you. Best of luck, though.