Looking for a good place to let loose and explore your fantasies? Fetish clubs offer a veritable buffet of erotic options — potential partners of all ages/shapes/sizes/inclinations, and often several rooms staged with props, equipment, furniture… My first time in a fetish club, I had waaaay too many drinks — not cause I was nervous but because my mouth was so dry from walking around with my jaw dropped all evening.

While I was quickly too buzzed to handle any real action that night, I certainly learned a lot, just taking it all in… making conversation when possible and otherwise absorbing the sensory onslaught as best I could…  hoping to make sense of it all later, after I had a chance to process what I saw.

The best thing about a fetish club is that you have an opportunity to see fantasies in action — people indulging their imaginations, settings for various moods & scenarios,  unspoken currents of information exchanged with a glance, a nod, a wave. As a newcomer, the impulse is not to stare, but these people WANT you to stare, it turns them on, that’s why their sucking dick in a club and not home on the couch, right?

Mostly, but not always. The rules are tricky, and not consistent from club to club. Best bet is always to lie low at first, till you know the lay of the land. Meanwhile, maintaining some basic etiquette should keep you outta trouble:

1. Seems obvious, but if possible do some research on the club before you visit. Is there a dress code? Do they have a bar or BYOB policy or is alcohol even allowed? Are singles permitted or only couples?

2. Never touch anyone, in any way, without obtaining their permission.

3. Lay off the judging, prejudices, “ewww” sounds, eye rolls, etc.

4. Be careful where you stand or walk. If people are using equipment, stay outta the way.

5. Don’t assume that just because someone is playing, they want you to jump in. Always wait for an invitation.

6. Whipping it out & whacking off without being part of the scene is often frowned upon.

7. Nothing’s grosser than someone else’s sex-mess, so wipe down your area & equipment when you’re done playing. If you bring your own toys, don’t leave ‘em sitting around. Keep them on your person till you need ‘em then pack ‘em up afterwards.

8. Keep conversations down in play areas –  especially in Dom/Sub situations where comments from the peanut gallery can really ruin the tension & suspense.

9. Leave your business cards at home, even if you’re a “professional” Mistress or slave or model or whatever… Fetish clubs are for fun , not for drumming up business. You’ll come off as tacky & insincere.

10. For godsake, no cameras! (including camera phones)

Again, these are just some basic guidelines to help navigate your first foray into fetish clubbing. As you explore, you’ll no doubt encounter both stricter and more loosey-goosey establishments. You’ll also see people breaking these rules — taking liberties, imposing themselves, or encroaching on other’s playtime when they’re clearly not wanted.

How various fetish clubs deal with these faux pas differs vastly, as well. Usually, the host or hostess will be keeping an eye on things, and step in to remind (or remove) violators. Other times, the club members themselves police the party, and freeze out offenders with icy stares and cold shoulders.

Sometimes, however, things get crazy and all kinds of lines are crossed without regard for personal space or common courtesy. While 99.9% of the time, fetish club goers are warm, friendly and considerate folks, sometimes in the heat of the moment, hotter heads prevail and the dynamic turns aggressive or animalistic, even.

Not to dissuade you — far from it, I think everyone’s sexual history should have at least one fetish club adventure, if only to reconnoiter. But be smart about it. Know your boundaries, your limits, your expectations going in. And if the vibe isn’t right, try another time.

Again, most fetish clubs experiences will leave you with wide eyes and a big smile on your face. Next, though, for the sake of full disclosure I’ll be posting the first of my Top Five Fetish Club Fails — the handful of times I found myself in over my head and running for the door.

Nobody ever said living out your fantasies was easy. If it was, everyone would do it. No… taking your fantasies from your imagination into real life requires courage, autonomy and a lot of trial and error.

No guts, no glory, baby.