Porn?!

I know what you’re thinking, that your woman hates porn and it’s demeaning to women and blah blah blah. So don’t go immediately to the XXX shit. Start with Hollywood — google “erotic hollywood movies” and you’ll get a bazilion lists. Rent one you think she’d like. Talk about it during & after. Did you pick well? Does she have favorite sexy movie or scene? Do you? Maybe trade watching a few features, discuss what you each find hot in a non-committal kinda way. Just for funzies.

Chicks love reality TV so maybe a good place to start is an HBO show like “Cathouse” (about life a famous whorehouse) or TLC’s “Strange Sex”  (a more clinical look at sexual predilections). From there, you can crossover to viewing instructional videos or vintage porn to make fun of the hairstyles and cheesy effects…  A great site to look is Hotmovies.com, whose library is exhaustive.

If visual porn’s outta the question, try printed porn. Fantasies. com, for instance, carries a huge collection of short pieces —  or google “fantasy stories sex” for dozens of additional links to sexy fiction of all styles. Find something within your (and her) comfort zone and email her a link to a story you think she’d like — subject heading: “Is this hot?” or something like that. Follow up later, to see what she thought. Ask her to send you a story she thinks you’d like, and you’ll bring home a surprise if she guesses correct.

Go back & forth with this awhile… then introduce porn with an oral sex scene. Talk about it — clinically. Betray no sense of your own desires.

Sympathize with how much harder it is for a woman to give head than a man to go down. Our necks hurt, our throats thump, our jaws ache. The lining of our mouths gets all nicked up from drawing our lips tightly over our teeth to protect your tender skin.  We smell balls and ass and sweat. Your errant pubes rasp against the base of our tongues. Breathing is difficult, suction is hard to maintain — makes the cheeks sore like you’ve been blowing up balloons all day.

And to top it off, at the end of it you’re expected to swallow a shot glass of hot mucus.

Express how incredible it is, that after all that, women still give blowjobs. Ask her if there are any tricks that women use to make it easier. Mention how cruel Nature is, to make something that feels so good require such sacrifice from someone else. Wonder aloud if there’s any similar trade-off where guys are willing to go to such lengths for women. There are no right answers, you’re just musing. Leave it at that.

Return to the subject again, a few days later at least. A private moment,  just the two of you. Tell her how you’ve been fantasizing lately, about how you were talking the other day about oral sex, and how much of a hassle it is for women.  In your daydream, though, instead of the conversation just ending, you reached over to her, slid down her pants, and…  Tell her a quick little oral sex story, starring your lady. She lies back, you look at her beautiful pussy and have to kiss it. Mention at least one personal detail — her bush or her scent or her taste or the baby-soft skin of her inner thighs… Leave it at that.

Next chance you get, tell her another story. If she liked the first one, you can amp up the heat by describing more details, or more action. If the first one was a bit much for her, though, back off and make up an observational situation. For instance, tell her you accidentally used her towel to dry your face, and just the smell of her gave you an erection. Or that a porn site accidentally popped up during a web search, and you couldn’t believe the girl was a porn star — her pussy looked beaten/ragged, not pretty & delicate like your lady’s.

You get the idea. Get her thinking of herself sexually.

Do you usually go down on her as part of sex? Whether you do or whether you don’t — I’ll finish up tomorrow with tips on how to shower her with pleasure while conditioning her to perform for you in bed.