For many (if not most) of us, oral sex is a pretty standard activity but you’d be surprised at how many couples do without  — even if that means one of them is hurt, frustrated or otherwise not thrilled to be denied.

Here’s a post (snipped from dearcupid.org) that sums things up pretty well:

I would say more than 50% of my waking moments (and a lot of lying awake at night) has been dwelling on the following:

- All-consuming jealousy because my wife swallowed for her other boyfriends every time but is never even prepared to spit for me

- Resentment because I know I would do it for her without a second thought

- Feeling she can’t love me if she is prepared to rob me of this pleasure

- Not understanding why she isn’t prepared to discuss it or isn’t interested in finding a solution

The poster goes on to explain feeling foolish & selfish for bringing the subject up when his wife keeps shooting him down. Responses to this sort of letter are mixed. One on hand, many people agree that it’s unfair to hassle someone about their sexual preferences but then clearly the majority of replies come from others in similar situations, sharing their exasperations  and often admitting infidelity as their only path to oral pleasure.

While both guys and girls have issues providing oral, the majority of online chatter about “doing without” comes from disgruntled husbands/boyfriends. And in most cases, the wife/girlfriend in question was fine with sucking dick earlier in the relationship, but then later on lost interest. Somehow, “not now” turned into “never ever” and the poor guys are confused, upset and more than a little miffed at what understandably feels like a bait ‘n switch.

So what happened? And is there any hope for changing your partner’s mind, when she’s decided oral sex is not worth the effort?

First — there’s always hope.  Don’t hold it against your partner if old tricks fail to seem worth the effort. Blow Jobs are ridiculously easy to give when a relationship is new — guys are often so psyched to have lips on their cock that all it takes is a few licks to set ‘em off. I feel like that Owl in the old Tootsie Pop commercial:  “One… twooohoooo… three! <SPOOGE>”

But as time goes on, the thrill of getting your dick sucked must wear off, cause it takes longer and longer to finish. Or maybe you guys just get more relaxed about the whole thing. Maybe you think it’s great to just lie back and enjoy the sensations as long as you can. Maybe it feels better to hold back until you’ve built up a huge load.

Goody for you. Just keep in mind that despite the ravenous ladies you see gobbling Johnsons in porno flicks, most of us ladies aren’t as hungry for a mouthful of cum as you might think. I could go into the whole “tastes like snot, smells like gym socks” thing but really, isn’t sex kinda supposed to be gross? I mean, we’re animals, right? Sex is grunting & groaning & sweating & slobbering & musky smells & salty skin & gooey fluids & weird hair in embarrassing places…

So your partner may SAY she’s put off by oral sex, but I bet she’d suck George Clooney dry if he asked for it. My point is, so-called “aversions” are highly subjective and likely to change under the right circumstances. You might not be able to snap your fingers and turn into a fantasy fuck, but there are plenty of other ways to tip the odds in your favor when it comes to oral sex.

With a resistant partner, getting good head requires a zen approach. There’s no use begging, whining, threatening, withholding affection…  All of these tactics are needy & manipulative, which is never sexy. So try a different tack: decide right here & now that you DON’T want oral sex. That you, in fact, would refuse oral sex if offered to you.

Crazy? Hear me out. Oral sex is just one act in the huge scope of erotic possibilities two bodies can enjoy. You don’t need it. You might like it, but right now, that desire is not doing you any favors so put it aside. Be the master of your own urges, and give that one a rest. You can return to it later if this zen thing doesn’t work out but for the next several months, at least (I’d pick a full year, to be safe), keep oral sex off your sexual agenda.  Put it out of your mind.

Now, object is to connect with your partner outside the bedroom.  Assuming you’re the typical guy with no clue how women work, I won’t bother with vague directives like “Make your woman feel special” or “Show her you don’t take her for granted.” Here’s what you should do, specifically, to tap into your partner’s sexual energy, and redirect it for the greater pleasure of both of you.

It won’t be easy, but it’s worth it. Congratulations to you for having the courage to confront your partner’s limitations and convince her it’s not only safe to push beyond with you, but it’s absolutely fantastic to have that much fun in bed. If you can pull this off, you’re a hero. Seriously, it’ll be quite the coup.

But a tricky one. She’s not your enemy — her inhibitions are. You have to find the way around them. There’s always a way. Always.*

Tomorrow, I’ll explain everything…

* Unless she’s gay or you are a complete jerk, in which case this post will not help you. Best of luck, though.

A reader brought this article to my attention, knowing full well I’d sound off immediately. The deal is, the author had a “rape fantasy” that didn’t go as planned, and it’s the guy’s fault for going through with it even though she never says anything until it’s all over.

WTF?!

Oh no, no, no, no…  While I’m sorry this girl had an unpleasant experience living out a sexual fantasy, she can’t blame her boyfriend — he’s not a mind reader.  In fact, she considered him “relatively naive” and hesitated even telling him about her fantasy, for fear of scaring him off.

But he was game. And they texted, chatted and emailed about acting it out. She told him how hot it made her, to think of being forced into sex, feeling herself held down, her legs spread, her body entered as she begged for release…

Oh my! Sorry, I just got a little hot, myself.  Anyway:

One night in a fancy hotel reserved for a celebratory evening, she eggs him on… flounces, pouty & petulant, on their luxury bed. And the poor guy takes her up on her challenge, becomes the dark, dangerous stranger of her fantasies…  but unfortunately, the timing’s not quite right for our heroine. She’s not into it, and suddenly her “rape fantasy” feels like an actual rape, and she’s understandably upset, fearful and definitely NOT turned on.

Up until this point, I feel for the girl. Really I do — it’s a bummer when something that seems so hot in your head turns out all wrong in reality. And a rape fantasy is tricky. Blending violence with sex requires  huge amounts of trust and communication. Not really a “beginner” fantasy for new couples, right? Amazing, that in all their discussions about how hot it would be, they failed to agree on what to do if enacting the assault didn’t go as well as imagined.

Better late than never, though. I’m sorry but the author’s decision to lay “as mute and motionless as possible” (in order to convey her displeasure) was laughable. The guy was no doubt stretching way  outta his comfort zone  –  not really the best time to expect him to pick up subtle behavioral cues. But it gets better…

After the act, she tells him the fantasy he thinks he just fulfilled for her actually was more like a painful violation. And to top it off, she can’t understand how he could feel horrified that he’d misread her signals and forced himself upon her. Dude was angry, and rightfully so. She asked him to tap into some seriously primal emotions — not terribly positive ones, either —  and then turned on him for giving her what she wanted.

Whaaaa…???

Look, I know that whenever you see the word “rape” there’s a knee jerk reaction against “blaming the victim,” but who exactly is the victim, here? I’m inclined to think the guy — he was talked into this scenario by a girl who swore it would be hot, and then blamed him when it wasn’t. The old bait-n-switch. Not cool.

Where was her head? She wrote that she feared resisting would only goad him on, and she didn’t want to risk actually hurting him by fighting back. OK, so they didn’t have a safe word. That’s a problem but easily solved, I think, by some serious eye contact and a sentence like, “Stop this immediately it’s not hot at all, sorry, this is not what I want!”

Pretty sure the message would’ve gotten through.

If her article illustrates anything, it’s that a person’s gotta be SUPER careful when living out fantasies. Obviously, at least one discussion about safe words or, if that seems too corny, how ’bout a game plan for trying another time if the magic’s not happening.

And you’ve gotta know your partner, too. Can you trust them to listen to you? Can you trust that they won’t turn on you if things don’t go as planned?

Sometimes, the best laid fantasies go awry. Rather than cast blame, partners should talk about what happened, and figure out together how to handle such situations in the future.  Exploring your fantasies with another person is always a risk, but with the right attitude even a botched encounter can provide positive lessons in honesty, self-awareness, and communication. The article’s author could’ve come away from her experience with better understanding of her desires and new appreciation for her partner’s willingness to grow for her.

Instead, she played the blame game, and lost sorely.

Now that we’ve established common general turn-ons for both sexes, it’s time to mention the Number One Fantasy — hands down — for men and women in committed relationships:

Sex with someone else!

So simple, but so obvious. Life is long, and it’s hard enough to just tolerate another person “forever,” let alone maintain romantic attraction to them & only them.  Love is by nature fickle and ephemeral — that’s part of the rush. Settling down with one partner opens up lots of opportunities for social validation, but at the cost of sexual opportunities.

Paul Newman famously said, of infidelity, “Why go out for a hamburger when you’ve got steak at home.”

Certainly flattering to Joanne Woodward but come onnnnnn…. I don’t care how velvety & succulent a hunk of filet mignon you have at home. If that’s all you have for dinner, every single night, eventually you’re gonna get sick of it.  At some point, you’re gonna wanna sneak off for a burger.

Redbook reporter Lisa Taddeo’s MSN Lifestyle article investigates the men behind the profiles on one of the country’s most popular sites for married people seeking affairs.  The first commonality she identifies is how so many of these guys want to re-live their favorite stories and memories with a fresh person, a blank slate. “Their best selves are their past selves,” she notes, “They want to get lost in a Springsteen ballad…” and the ladies they meet provide a convenient way to turn back time to the days when possibilities seemed endless.

When we cheat, few of us are looking just for sex. We’re reaching out because we’re restless, lonely, unsatisfied. We’re idealistic enough to wonder what we’re missing, but experienced enough to know life is just more of the same, punctuated by the occasional surprise.  Oh but those surprises can be sweet!

A newlywed Lisa meets admits to her that his life is great, but predictable. He misses the simple thrill of not knowing how his evening will end. The joy of being out alone, free to go wherever, to be whoever, to talk to people outside the same familiar circles — that’s bliss many of us are willing to risk home & family for.  And fortunately, that risk has diminished considerably thanks to how easy it is these days to find others who share your situation.

Ready to explore? All you need is a profile describing what you’re looking for. No need to post photos or details publicly — most sites allow you keep potentially incriminating information hidden until you grant access with a private key or code.  Using internal website messaging keeps your communications discreetly separate from your home or work email accounts.

Meeting and corresponding with prospective sexual partners can be exhilarating! Often, just trading messages back & forth can be surprisingly satisfying, after years of monotony.  Er, monogamy. Ha!  Is it any wonder those two words sound so similar? Might as well be synonyms.

If familiarity breeds contempt, perhaps sites like AshleyMadison actually help marriages endure, by allowing us to nurture our secret selves so that we can continue supporting and sacrificing for our families. We all want to be needed but we also want to be desired. To be attractive. To feel the flush of infatuation from time to time. A bit of clandestine intrigue can go a long way towards smoothing out the long, rough ride of daily life.

Now that we’ve touched on Women’s fantasies, let’s turn our attention to the dirty minds of Men. First, it’s important to note that men, in general, tend to entertain more “realistic” fantasies — actual people, places, acts that could theoretically happen. Sure, it’s highly improbably that the average Joe would nail Megan Fox in a Lamborghini, but possible.

When women have naughty daydreams, they tend to imagine faceless strangers and are more likely to imagine historical settings or far-away places they’ve only read about.  So what do men imagine, when their minds wander..? Studies show guys think about sex every five minutes. Here’s a list of the Top Ten Male Turn-Ons:

10. Mirrors –  Men are visual by nature. Lots of guys jerk off in front of mirrors and obsess over the size of their loads, and even more get hot watching their woman go wild as they ravage her body. Having sex in front of a mirror can be like starring in your own porno, and what guy doesn’t like porn?

9. Videotaping sex — Sex in front of a camera is such a rush! You know you’ll be playing it back again later, so partners tend to perform with more passion and finesse. Plus, there’s a real “danger” factor when you make a sex tape:  you never know who might ultimately see it.

8. Strippers — Men love to watch naked women, especially naked women dancing just for them. Guys often take mental pictures of girls they see in strip clubs, and then fantasize about having sex with them later.

7. Past Encounters — Lots of men will remember particularly hot encounters they’ve had, and conjure them up for sexual pleasure.

6. Positions — Sex up, down, around and everywhichway can be very exciting!

5. Locations — Sex in novel places is also a big turn-on. Beach tends to be the number one fantasy location, followed by office, and then every other room in their house besides the bedroom.

4. Oral sex — Both giving and receiving. Guys tend to imagine themselves unleashing a torrent of love-juice down their lady’s throat, and when they picture themselves going down, they of course bring her the orgasm of her life.

3. Submission — When asked to choose between sexually dominating a woman or being submissive to her needs, the vast majority of men prefer to serve. Surprised? Think of it this way: when you’re submissive, there’s no pressure to orchestrate a sexual encounter. You just lie back and follow someone else’s lead. When a guy’s day-to-day life includes lots of responsibility and decision-making, submitting in the bedroom can be sweet relief. And a nice change of pace!

2. Anal sex — Ah, yes. Boys are dirty. They like buttholes, and a little poop is a small price to pay for access to this most private of private places. Also, there’s the thrill of “going where no man has gone” (in the case of many women’s bottoms).

1. Two Women at Once — <yawn>  No one is surprised by this, right?

According to top sexologists, men might think about sex more often than women, but when women do think about sex, we tend to create very explicit, detailed erotic scenarios. Settings, costumes, intrigue… women have quite active imaginations!

Most women who fantasize do not  pursue (or even wish to pursue) their fantasies to fulfillment.  Usually, just envisioning favorite sexy scenes helps arouse a woman for her partner, and also increases sexual tension during routine encounters where a little spark can make all the difference.  So, if your woman will talk about her fantasies, great! But don’t go trying to surprise her.  A chick who gets hot pretending she’s  “attacked” in bed is still likely to kick you in the ‘nads if you spring up on her in a dark hallway.

Common themes repeat throughout most women’s Top Ten Women’s Sexual Fantasies. Chances are, the woman in your life probably has thought about at least a few of these:

10. Mysterious Stranger — or, as Erica Jong  described in her ground-breaking novel,  Fear of Flying, the “zipless fuck.” No personal information is exchanged, just pure sexual gratification, no guilt or consequences or expectations for anything other than pleasure.

9. Group sex —  In a group setting, guilt over sex outside an intimate relationship is not an issue because everyone is doing it.  So much going on in this fantasy:  voyeurism, exhibitionism, suspense, blurring of sexual roles. Yowza.

8. Female Domination — Spank him! Make him beg! Force him to perform!

7. Sexual exhibition — Many women fantasize about having an audience, of any size. Some imagine a crowd of rapt university students taking notes during “sex ed”  while for others, the thrill is more intimate, perhaps a lover hiding in the closet to watch her please a hot stranger she’s picked up….

6. Submission — When it comes to submitting sexually, women seem to be of two different minds. One group tends to get hot at the thought of serving a strong Master’s every need. About as many other women, though, enjoy the thought of resisting such a Master, of being so disobedient he eventually forces himself upon them as “punishment.”

5. Bisexuality — Well, duh. I was surprised that this wasn’t number one. Who doesn’t wonder? Who isn’t curious? ‘

4. Prostitution — Morality aside, it’s a turn-on to feel so desirable that a guy would pay to have sex with you.

3. Two Men at Once — Related to but somewhat different from the “orgy” fantasy at #9. The point is not just the added pleasure of two mouths, two dicks, four hands, etc. but also the thrill of being able to satisfy two men is quite an ego-boost.

2. Male Penetration — Ladies, start your strap-ons! Furthermore, women who might not even know what a strap-on is might still fantasize about what it’d be like to be “the man” in a sexual encounter.

1. Being Taken — Take the “mysterious stranger” fantasy, mix in some themes from “submission,” and we have ourselves the number one most common women’s fantasy:  the classic “rape” scenario that is so taboo just typing it seems wrong. But we all know it: sweet & naive lady taken aggressively by predatory man who rips clothes, forces penetration, holds her down and makes her orgasm against her will…

Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?

Anyone up for a nice big shot of… horse semen??

Yup! Move over, tiger blood — now there’s something spermier! Introducing “Powerhorse,” a new energy concoction touted to turn even the meekest mouse into a mighty stallion.

Horses are pure testosterone, so the logic follows that drinking their jizz will make you feel good all over.  Festival goers lined up earlier this month to swallow their shot of creamy horse cum — the bravest took it au natural but flavors like cherry & licorice were also available.

Surprising as it may seem, this is NOT the first time semen’s been offered at this festival. Several years ago, bull spooge shots were a big hit, and a few years before that, deer pizzle (penis) delighted some as a tasty, chewy treat.

Think you’re oral enough to try it?

See it in action, here, at the Hokitika WildFoods Fest down under. Mmmm…. mmmmm… good!

Lemme take a break from my usual blather to bring you a little musical sunshine.  If you’re looking for just the right song to celebrate your favorite fantasy, may I recommend:

The Wet Spots — a Canadian duo that sings in lovely harmony about anal sex, cunnilingus, foot fetish, sex toy improvisation, booty calls, and, my favorite, spanking (the volunteer in this live video really gets it!) .

Enjoy…

I am not a slut, people! Not that there’s anything wrong with random sexual encounters with whoever’s handy, but that’s just not me.

Oh, I’m no prude. I don’t need to be in an exclusive relationship to kiss, suck, lick, get naked, intertwine… but I tend to draw the line at penetration. It’s just not worth the risks & hassles when my fantasies tend to involve tension, dynamics and submission, which conveniently leaves my innocent cooter out of things.

Well, mostly innocent. Sure, I’ll take a tongue to my clit (or even a vibrator) but when it comes to flat-out, skin-on-skin fucking, these days I really need a connection. Some romance. Dare I say… love.

Surprised? To be honest, I kinda figured I was an odd bird, to have such a “naughty” side to me, yet also yearn for something deeper. In the past, I’ve kept my fantasy life private from my significant other — as you might expect, I’m no longer in that relationship. Funny thing about being in a one-sided, open relationship of your own design:  your partner may likely call that “cheating” when he finds out what you’ve been up to.

I’m single now and, quite frankly, the idea of trying to have a relationship with any of the guys I’ve explored fantasies with is depressing.  Most are attached or way too into a particular “lifestyle” for my eclectic tastes, but the ones that aren’t seem to give off “creep” or “weirdo” vibes if you try to interact with them “normally.”

Like, once I went to get a cup of coffee with this guy after he’d spent the evening worshipping my ass — splendidly, might I add — but when I tried to talk to him like a regular person, zilch. Every conversation turned sexual. Every joke became raunchy.  Every pleasantry, he’d try to direct to our next encounter. It was as if my mind, my personality, who I was as a person:  none of that mattered.

I wish I could say dude was a fluke but unfortunately, he’s the majority. Seems that, when a guy knows a woman’s got a freaky side, he can’t focus on anything else. Furthermore, he often seems actively disinterested in anything more, almost like it ruins the thrill. And maybe it does, in a way.

But isn’t there more?

Yes, it’s quite a rush to be naked & turned on & pushing boundaries with a stranger…  but why does it have to stop there? I’m not saying I’m ready for a relationship now, but do I need to be reduced to tits and ass only? Just because I like to be a dirty girl, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve basic respect and consideration.

Recently, I ran across an article that summed up my feelings in one headline:  “Just Because I’m Kinky Doesn’t Mean I’m Easy.”

It doesn’t! And I’m not!

I feel for the article’s author, who laments how posting her love of spanking & dirty talk in her dating profile resulted in nothing but come-ons and dick pics from guys who assumed she’s hot to trot.

Where are the guys who can enjoy a wanton woman with respect and perhaps a bit of chivalry?

Even the hottest, filthiest, nastiest encounters can benefit from some post-orgasmic togetherness — seals the bond, I think.

Buddy, I may never see you again, but if we do run into each other, it’s less likely to be awkward if we’re, I dunno… friendly. If we’ve set some precedent for behaving normally in “real life,” I’m more apt to recall our time together fondly, and consider you a positive link in my chain of explored pleasures leading, who knows, to possibly another adventure.

In addition to remembering the deed, I’d kinda like to remember you, as well, ya know? And I’d like to know I’m worth remembering, as well.

Warning! Not for the faint of heart!

My number one Fetish Club Fail’s a doozie.  Full disclosure:  the evening I’m about to describe turned me off “the scene” as far as random clubs go. From now on, I only go to clubs recommended by friends who know my tastes & boundaries, and in addition I always take careful stock of my surroundings no matter how hot to trot I may be when I arrive.

Berlin, Germany.  Some no-name club advertised an open fetish night and a small group of us thought it would be fun to check it out. We arrived around midnight, to find the place packed, and in full swing.

The smell. I will never forget the smell — dank & moist & funky, like a hundred people just finished having sex that minute. Mixed in with the musk, other scents added to the potpourri:  stale beer, body odor, smoke, cannabis…

We squeezed thru the crowd around the entrance, and found ourselves on a big dance floor where bodies of all shapes & sizes shimmied in various stages of costume & undress.  Techno beats thumped, drinks sloshed haphazardly. We quickly snagged beers at the club’s full bar and made our way to a small quiet alcove with some empty couches, where we exchanged first impressions and discussed our next move.

A lone man wandered into our space, sat down on a couch opposite, took out his half-hard penis and began pulling casually on it. He didn’t speak or make eye contact, he just sat there while we chatted. Touching himself. Right there in front of us. Whatever.

We moved on, crossed the dance floor, pushed through heavy velvet drapes to a hallway so dark we needed to stop & wait for our eyes to adjust before we could continue. Sighs, moans, sucking sounds seemed to come from all directions; indeed, the walls were lined with shadowy figures intertwining.  Walking past, hands reached out to graze my breasts, my bottom. The heat here was stifling, the vibe hungry & humid.

Past another pair of clammy curtains, we found a hot tub with a half dozen pasty, doughy Europeans simmering together in a joyless human soup. No one was smiling or talking — perhaps we disturbed them but, still. Naked people should be splashing & frolicking, but these just sat there like lumps, stared at us like intruders. We kept going.

Next room was one of those “play doctor” stations but “play doctor Frankenstein” was more like it. The exam table’s vinyl was cracked & stained, the stirrups rusted & rattling. We peeked into dusty tins containing old swabs, cotton balls, dried-out sani-wipes, crusted bottles of lube… Eventually, we noticed what sounded like breathing and realized we weren’t alone. Behind a moth-eaten screen, a gray-haired man was receiving a blow job from an androgynous youth.  His saggy, dimpled buttocks bucked with growing enthusiasm, and we backed out of the room before they saw us.

We retraced our steps thru the curtains, past the hot tub, out back to the bar. We refreshed our beverages, then noticed a stairway on the other side of the dance floor. Making our way over, we were touched & leered at, splashed with sweat & careless cocktails, bumped this way & that. Finally, we climbed the steps to a vast upper room full of beds.

Or, rather, platforms with foam mattresses.  Reminded me of a hostel or group lodge — evenly spaced cots in neat rows, with spartan coverings. Various combinations of men & women twisted together on each bed. It was impossible to see much detail in the dimness; the scene was just a tangle of body parts and dull, hushed grunts from every angle. Music and light seemed to be coming from the other end of the room… we walked towards it to a small balcony overlooking the dance floor.

One, two, three… four guys, at least, stood on the balcony, their backs to us. They seemed intent on watching the action below, until the awful truth dawned:  they were jacking off. Onto the crowd beneath them. The crowd we just walked through.

Oh my god! Was that careless alcohol we had been splashed with, or falling semen?

Who does this? Who jerks off on unsuspecting dancers in German fetish clubs?  The moment I had that thought, I realized the answer to my own question was right in front of me, duh, and everywhere else in that nasty, grabby club.

The better question would be:  who goes to a German fetish club like it’s a Disney ride? Why did we assume we could wander thru these hardcore fetishists’ play rooms without getting any of their muck on us?

The only way out of the club was back through that dance floor, so we sucked it up and charged back through the crowd, cringing to make ourselves the smallest targets possible.

Took awhile before I wanted to go to another fetish event, but eventually I got back on the horse.  Have continued to have fun times on the scene, but now I am much more careful about the kinds of clubs I’ll go to, and also, I always, always, ALWAYS look up whenever I enter a room. Just in case.

(and I’m still on a moratorium from German fetish clubs)

I love shoes, especially high heels — the higher, the better.

Every fetish outfit I own includes a pair of killer pumps or boots or sandals… Love the lift, and I also love how heels affect posture: the butt swings out, the hips wiggle, the chest rises as the shoulders pull back. Instantly, a body looks taller, leaner, sexier.

But then the feet start screaming.

At first, you can get by shifting your weight from foot to foot but eventually,  you need to sit down. I’m not ashamed to admit that on more than one occasion, I’ve feigned interest in someone simply to take a load off in the seat beside them.  What? Perfectly acceptable way to socialize. Don’t judge, people, until you walk a mile in my thigh-high stilettos.

Anyway, not too long ago I’d thought I hit pay dirt — not only did a nice man get up and insist that I sit in his seat, but he asked if he could give me a foot massage. A foot massage!

Dude wasn’t much to look at, just your garden-type variety middle aged man with dim teeth, comb-over and belly pouch. But his hands were magic! As he carefully kneaded the pads of my foot, he told me he had a “thing” for ladies feet, and confessed to getting hard. No worries, I assured him I couldn’t tell nor did I care. Felt soooooo good, whatever he was doing. “Knock yourself out,” I told him, leaning back & closing my eyes.

He complimented my pedicure… the shape of my toes… the wrinkles in my soles. “Can I kiss them?” he asked, and in my state of bliss I waved him on. His mouth was warm, gentle and pleasantly moist. He kissed, sucked, caressed.  His hands crept up my calves, and I stretched my legs out,  one foot on his shoulder and the other held at his chin, enjoying his soft mouth and muscular digits.

Another pleasant surprise:  hot breath!  Normally, I’m not a big fan of someone breathing on me, but way down by my toes, the sensation of hot breath was quite delicious. Plus, his jowl-y mug felt nice and squishy to mash with my foot.  I could really like this guy!

I was thinking how to parlay this fetish night into a regular gig with me and Mr. Magic Fingers, when the massage turned rather… rhythmic. He was still touching me, but there seemed to be a new urgency driving him. I looked down to see him stroking his enormous hard-on while rolling his entire face along the bottom of my foot. Tongue out, eyes closed, cheeks saggy with relaxation. I hated to disturb him.

Still, WTF? I leaned in closer to get his attention, and instead wound up with the best seat in the house while this guy dumped his massive load all over my feet.

Great. How was I supposed to put my shoes back on, now?

ASIDE — Two words:  baby wipes (the antibacterial kind).  Best fetish club accoutrement, ever, after lube and condoms.

Final thought:  sometimes, a great foot massage is worth a little semen on your toes. Just be prepared, and remember those baby wipes.